roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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