i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
