u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
