...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
