evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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