There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Randomize
