onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
