I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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