I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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