she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize