she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
