How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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