Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize