This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize