there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
