the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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