so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
