Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
