Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize