Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
