The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
