At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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