too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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