is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize