last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
