are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
