Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize