Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
