Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
