Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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