I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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