She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
