considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
