oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
