Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
