I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
