Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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