did you get engaged???
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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