my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
