I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
