too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
