How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
