Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
