Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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