We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
