The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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