the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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