as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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