Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
