Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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