Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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