She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Congratulations! We have a period
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