dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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