My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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