Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
