i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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