some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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