Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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