After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
