I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
