Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
