Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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