my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
