I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
