Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
