I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
