she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
