Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
