I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Who died my cat blue again?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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