So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My bed smells like the plague
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
