He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
