I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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