i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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