is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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