I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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