I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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