She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
