Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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