Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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