Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
