Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
