just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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