If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
