I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
