I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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