Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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