I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize