I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
