Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
