So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
