kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize