im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just gift wrapped bread.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
