Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
