Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
