Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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