Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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