the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
