Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
