Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
