If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
