wrigley field is MILF paradise
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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