God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
