I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
