She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
