I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
