Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We have started to decorate penises.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
