i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
